Flashpoint Drabbles Season 3
by SuzSeb
Summary: Post-ep drabbles from Sam's point of view. I'm using the seasons as published by DVD in the US, so they may be different for you.
1. Chapter 1

FF_992224_1694243412 12/1/2011

A/N: All mistakes are mine.

A/N 2: This is the first episode on the Season 3 DVD in the US. I think this season is the last one that differs from the Canadian run, but as I'm here in the US, I'll continue to follow the US versions if there is a difference.

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint

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><p>Shock… that was all Sam could feel: shock, horror, guilt. He'd lost another teammate to a landmine. He couldn't even focus on the attitudes of his teammates when they questioned his knowledge of landmines. It didn't matter. He'd been stuck in the shock and horror since he'd heard about the mine. And while the others had desperately grabbed on to some hope – he'd had none. No hope, no faith that Lou could be rescued. He'd seen too many mines. For a short, desperate moment he'd thought Spike could re-pin it. But when that failed – he'd known. He'd known there was no hope. All he could do was try to save his other teammate.<p>

And yet he hadn't done that, either. Lou had taken care of saving his best friend himself. The courage it'd taken to take that step… Sam honored Lou for that courage. It just increased his respect for the fallen officer. He'd already admired Lou's quiet presence, his calm reasoning, his low-key wit that broke so many tension-filled moments. He'd also admired Spike and Lou's obviously deep friendship. He'd had that once with Matt. He hated to see Spike go through the same guilt he'd felt after Matt's death. But he was responsible for Matt's death in a way Spike would never be for Lou's. He quietly hoped that he'd have an opportunity in the following days to reinforce that Spike had done everything possible to save his friend. And that it was Lou's choice to take that step to protect his teammates.

Sam also silently hoped that his team would understand why he'd walked away. But he wasn't sure they could, since he wasn't exactly sure why he did himself. He'd walked all the way back to his apartment – knowing that it wouldn't be ok with anyone. But he just… he just couldn't watch while they picked up Lou's broken body. He couldn't be part of the dissection of the day that ended with a result he was so familiar with. He really hadn't discussed any of his experiences in Afghanistan with his Team One teammates. He hadn't let them know how brutal, how devastating it really was. And this threw him right back there: bombs blasting, people dying all around him. It broke him up in ways he couldn't even begin to describe. And his only defense was to shut down. He just had to shut everything down. He knew some of his teammates had been relying on him to be there for them. But he couldn't. He couldn't be there for anyone else when he didn't know how to deal with it himself. When all he could do was lock the grief and the pain and the guilt away; force it all down into a ball in his stomach.

He didn't eat or sleep for the next two days. He spent them staring at his TV, just trying desperately to make it through. The ball of emotion in his stomach meant that anything he did try to eat, came right back up – the emotions exploding when the food hit them. He stared at the screen, eyes gritty with unshed tears, and wished for the oblivion that alcohol would bring. But he already knew he wouldn't resort to that. He'd had a beer, but that had just made the return trip as quickly as everything else. He longed to find comfort in the arms of his ex-girlfriend, but knew she wouldn't welcome him now, especially since he hadn't been there for her for the last two days. Besides, he'd given that comfort up when she became his ex-girlfriend.

Sam started when his phone vibrated on the table. He stared at the notification of the memorial service and knew he'd have to somehow pull himself together enough to go. He also saw the psych evaluation appointment along with the date of their first shift back on duty. He quickly texted his acceptance of all the arrangements back to the boss. He'd get through it – after all he was a Braddock, right? And Braddocks always were the toughest soldiers in the room. Sam reached deep down for the strength he needed to forge ahead, then closed his eyes and fought to find a way to get some rest, any rest. There was no way he'd get through tomorrow without both the strength and the rest. He was silently comforted when the blackness of sleep finally pulled him away from all the emotions he couldn't allow himself to feel. Maybe he'd actually get through this and be ok. Maybe.

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><p>AN: I just think Sam's expressions in this episode really said everything he was feeling.


	2. Chapter 2 Never Let You Down

FF_992224_1470623919 12/1/2011

A/N: All mistakes are mine.

A/N2: I'm not happy with this chapter, because I think I went a little OOC for Sam. But I couldn't unwrite what I had. It just wouldn't go away. So, I'm posting it as is and you all can let me know how far I strayed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Hearing Jules' words to Dale; knowing a portion of them were directed straight at him, hit Sam hard. He'd thought she knew him better than that. Yeah, he put a mask on; let no one in to his private pain. But he'd thought…. He'd shown more of himself to Jules than to any other person alive. Only Matt had seen more of what was inside. Listening to her accuse him of not caring at all; her words ripped him open, the pain almost making him forget his duty. If he hadn't literally been holding Dale's life in his hands, he might have forgotten. But he didn't. He held strong and let Jules' words do their job with Dale. And later he did what he'd always done before Jules; he denied being affected by any of it.<p>

He stood there, behind her, watching and listening to the others offer her comfort. And yet he still couldn't make that gesture himself. He was still too raw inside. He'd never show it on his face, and he'd deny it to anyone who asked, but he was still torn to pieces. He'd had nightmares of all the incidents with landmines he'd ever been involved in. Every time he thought it was over, his subconscious managed to drag up another incident: especially incidents where he'd been one of the poor SOBs who had to do clean up. No matter who they were, or where it'd occurred, somehow, in his nightmares, they all had Lou's face. And he'd never share that with his teammates.

Sam sat in the briefing room waiting for Leah so they could do the review and go. He knew the others were going to meet afterwards to support each other; maybe even grieve together. But he still didn't know if he could do it. He was surprised when Jules sat down next to him. She hadn't been near him since he'd walked away from the scene of Lou's death. Maybe her words had healed something in her. Maybe she was able to let go and live, as she'd asked Dale to. Maybe that meant she was forgiving him for walking away. But he didn't want her forgiveness. He'd wanted her understanding. He'd wanted her to understand that his walking away didn't mean he didn't care. That there still was a hole in his life where Lou used to fit.

Sam stared at the memorial bracelet he'd taken. He couldn't put it on; not yet. Putting on the bracelet meant accepting that Lou was gone. Putting it on meant he was ready to move on. Sam was trying, but he wasn't there yet. So he sat staring at the bracelet as the room emptied around him. He'd been so focused on his own thoughts that he hadn't heard the review or whatever the boss had said.

"Sam," a voice said near his ear.

Sam startled and looked around. His face was a mask but inside he was silently cursing his inattention. Both Greg and Ed were still there, watching him solemnly. That couldn't be good. They had to have noticed his lack of attention to what was going on around him.

"You haven't put the bracelet on," Ed nodded at the bracelet Sam still clenched tightly in his hand.

Sam stood up and turned away from his two bosses, facing the window. He unconsciously struck the 'parade rest' pose: feet apart, hands clasped behind his back – the bracelet still clenched tightly in his left hand.

Both Ed and Greg noticed, exchanging pointed glances.

Sam quietly thought about how to explain. "Lou's not my first… friend… to die from stepping on a landmine," he said softly. "It never gets any easier." He didn't look back at their expressions, but he knew Ed was getting impatient. "I know sometimes you guys think I don't care – that it's just some kind of competition about the number of guys I lost versus you; or that I've lost so many teammates that it just doesn't mean anything anymore. But that's not it. Lou was a great friend; he was a great cop; and he was a great teammate. If I put on this bracelet, honoring his memory – it means he's really gone. And maybe I've just lost too many friends to want to let go so quickly. In war, you have no choice. There's no time for grieving. You just have to pick yourself up and move forward. But here, now, I can hold on to Lou for just a little while longer, before moving on. I'm just not ready to let go, yet." Sam's throat closed with emotion and he couldn't continue. But that was ok. He'd said what he wanted to say. He pivoted slowly, met both men's eyes and slowly walked away, the bracelet still clenched in his hand. He was going to go home alone and quietly honor a fallen teammate.

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><p>AN: Please review with any constructive criticism! Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3 Just A Man

FF_992224_1664521248 12/17/2011

A/N: Self-beta'd, any mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Sam was glad to get out of the prison. Rubber bullets and less lethal against hardened, vicious prisoners was never going to be one of his favorite activities. He shook his head silently, remembering Jules' comment about rubber bullets taking anyone down. He'd known then that it wasn't true. But he also knew Jules wouldn't be told. So he'd let her find out on her own. At least it wasn't a painful lesson.<p>

Sam had been impressed with Ed and the way he'd handled his former protégé. He'd protected the team and the mission, while still managing to support and mentor the other man. Sam had a feeling that Ed and what he'd done for the other during his earlier years, had a lot to do with the man's mental toughness in prison. He'd stayed away from any prison gangs, taken responsibility for his actions and made himself into a man Ed could be proud of. Sam knew what it felt like to want to live up to Ed's expectations.

Sam looked up from his locker when Ed's voice impinged on his thoughts. He nodded and smiled his acceptance when Ed told him they were going out to celebrate the successful call. He was ready to move on from his self-imposed isolation and reconnect with his team. And it seemed they were ready to welcome him back, too.

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><p>AN: Thanks for reading. I had trouble with this one, because I didn't find a lot of Sam in there, but here it is.


	4. Chapter 4 Custody

FF_992224_1356416473 12/18/2011

A/N: Self-beta'd so any mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint

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><p>Sam took a deep breath as he lowered his weapon. It was one of those times that he'd desperately wanted to not have to shoot. It was one of the first times that he'd let that slip out loud, though. The adrenaline was still coursing through him and he knew it would take a few minutes for the relieved trembling to stop. It was bad enough that there were kids involved, but Sam would have been literally sick if he'd had to shoot their mother in front of them. He felt Jules behind him, silently supporting him and sharing his relief. He wasn't sure if she'd heard his quiet plea to Helen, but he did know she had his back.<p>

Back in the locker room, Sam quirked a smile as he thought back over the entire call. He was glad he wasn't the rookie any more. Leah would learn. The last thing you should do is question Ed's decisions, especially during a call. Still he'd had it to learn as well. And at least he had the opportunity to pass some hard-learned lessons on to the new rookie. He'd had to go it alone – learn by actually making the mistakes.

Sam smirked again when he thought about the takedown of Jason Wallace. He'd been right behind Jules entering the hotel room, but her speed had taken her ahead during the chase. By the time he'd reached the roof, she'd had the subject in custody. That was Jules; determined to prove she didn't need his help. Still, she _**had**_ come and picked him up, after the boss insisted. He was happy to be her backup. It… comforted him to have her in view during a call. It wasn't always possible, but Sam would rather be there with her whether she needed him or not, than have to just listen over the headsets.

Sam yawned, and then laughed when Spike and Wordy harassed him about late nights. The only late nights he was having lately, had to do with his inability to sleep, not any more recreational activities. Still, it's not like he was going to admit that to his teammates. Instead he just smiled and kept his mouth shut. He knew that would drive them crazier than anything he could say. He winked at Greg when he came over to see what the commotion was. Greg laughed himself, and Sam was glad to see him come out of the contemplative mood he'd been in after the call. When he offered to buy them a round, Sam readily agreed with the others. Following his teammates, he settled in to just enjoy their company before going home to his lonely apartment.

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><p>AN: Let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5 Coming to You Live

FF_992224_921476451 4/1/2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint

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><p>Sam winced internally, as he continued lifting the weights. He'd thought they'd moved beyond that: Jules sniping at any evidence he had a life outside SRU. Still Jules' comments stung. He wasn't about to admit that he hadn't been on a date with anyone else since he'd met her. And he hadn't exactly been lying about the late night. He'd babysat for a buddy's wife. Justin was still in Kandahar and Sarah needed to go to a class that evening. All Sarah's family was out of town and Justin's were gone. They had three kids, two girls and a little boy. He smiled as he remembered young Jeremy's face when the girls suggested a tea party. Fortunately they were just as excited about a pizza party. But Sarah's class ran long and he didn't get home until late. Sam shook off his thoughts and started paying attention to the broadcast as things started going wrong.<p>

Sam grinned when Ed corrected him about Spike's geekiness. Then grinned again and held on tight when Ed corrected his estimated arrival time and took off. Things were tense, but the good-humored play by play eased it a little. Later, Sam tried to diffuse his frustration at the lack of solution with his little comment about the curtains. He hated having to sit out the rest of the action, but he knew Ed, Wordy, and the Boss had it covered.

Sam admired Ryan Malone's dedication to his friend and assistant, Nicole Bennett. He meant what he'd said to Jules; he really would do the same thing. He wasn't sure why Jules was so surprised that someone would do that. Of course, Sam had been in situations where his friends' safety depended on his ability to keep his mouth shut. Combat situations certainly helped you define your priorities. And he hoped Jules got the other message he'd been trying to get across: that she was definitely one of those friends he'd do that for. Sam hummed under his breath without thinking about it as he continued to clean up after the call. This day had certainly ended up better than it'd started.

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><p>AN: I'm trying to get a little caught up. We'll see how far I can go! I hope you enjoy.


	6. Chapter 6 The Farm

FF_992224_1230264070 4/1/2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Sam was surprised when Ed told him he was putting him in charge of tactical. Still, he felt he was ready. He worked with Wordy to come up with the best plan for the release of the hostage. He knew Wordy was the best man for the door. The other officer had a demeanor that just allowed people to trust him. Though he was a tough cop, he was also a great big teddy bear to his girls. And somehow that came through when Wordy wanted it to. As for entry options, their choices were limited, until they got the small child released. None of them wanted anything to happen to her.<p>

Sam was concerned with his first glimpse of Rachel. Her paranoia just shone from her; her body movement, her facial expressions, and the look in her eyes screamed her distrust of the police that surrounded the gas station. When she grabbed for the female hostage, trying to drag her back inside, Sam didn't fire or threaten; he trusted Wordy to keep control of the hostage and the situation. And when Greg spoke from behind him, Sam hoped that the boss's words got through to the distraught woman.

It wasn't looking good. Rachel's actions after returning to the gas station were putting the last hostage at risk. If she was using drugs again, they had no way of predicting her actions. Sam knew that the explosive entry was their only option. And with the release of the other two hostages, that made it a viable choice. The three of them could subdue Rachel and protect the hostage simultaneously.

When Spike asked how the boss wanted to go in, there was really only one answer. And they executed the plan flawlessly. The combination of tear gas and flash bang grenade allowed Sam to quickly contain Rachel while Wordy and Leah got the hostage out safely. Sam thought that Rachel's histrionics were due to whatever she drug was on until she began pleading and begging to be allowed to return to the Farm to save her son. When she said that Charles was going to kill them all, he began to reconsider her motive for her actions. He knew that a mother would do a lot to protect her children. And it soon became apparent that her son's safety was Rachel's focus.

Sam was glad the boss backed him up when he told Jules to wait for backup. He would have said the same to any of his teammates. With Charles and his men restraining Ed, his partner's position would be precarious and anything could happen. Jules would be more effective finding a secure position to keep an eye on what was happening. That way the rest of the team wouldn't be coming in blind.

Arriving at the Farm, Sam's focus was on resolving the situation with the least amount of violence as possible. He believed that taking Charles out was the best way. The boss, of course, tried negotiating first. But even he had to admit that Charles was just not listening. He was too focused on his goal. So they made their way into the Farm through the fence. Rachel's intel was good and they made it inside unseen. He was relieved that releasing Eddie was so easy. The boss was able to take care of it while he and Spike secured the perimeter.

Sam exchanged identical looks of horror with Spike when Jules told them what Charles was planning. He quickly snapped out the order for Wordy to bring the truck up and for Leah to notify D-Mat about the poison gas, without even thinking about Ed being back in charge. When Ed confirmed that the door was jammed, Sam called out to Wordy again. He knew their options were limited with the jammed door being the only way in or out of the barn; the umbrella was their only chance. They had to get the trapped people out as soon as possible if they didn't want fatalities.

Once the door was opened, Sam knew they had a chance of resolving the situation without any more bloodshed. He quickly subdued the one man who was challenging their presence. Noticing Ed's direction, he moved to cover his teammate, leaving the rest of Team One to evacuate the others from the barn.

Sam let Ed do all the talking when they caught up with Charles and his son, Isaac. He knew that his teammate had a better understanding of the situation by virtue of having had more contact with Charles and Isaac, as well as having a teenage son himself. Ed could definitely identify with Charles' need to protect his son – even though he was going about it the wrong way. Sam silently hoped Ed's words would get through to the desperate father.

He quickly reached out to Isaac as soon as Charles released him. He knew Ed was still the best choice to reason with Charles. And he wanted to ensure that the young man was safe. Sam's guiding hand on the youth's shoulder turned into a body block to keep him from rushing back to his stricken father after the gunshot. He knew what a point-blank shot to the head looked like, and he didn't want the young man to remember his father that way. He knew Isaac wasn't hearing any of his words, but his tone finally got through long enough to allow him to usher the young man away. He let Ed take Isaac back to his mother, though, knowing the older man needed to follow through on his unspoken promise to Charles to keep his son safe.

Sam followed up by making sure that the single man taken into custody was removed from the scene, and then silently watched Rachel's reunion with her parents with the rest of the team. He wondered, watching the joy on Rachel's parents' faces, if he would ever have that kind of relationship with his father. He didn't think it would happen. His father would never accept his refusal to return to the military. Sam sighed internally, glancing at the rest of Team One. They seemed to take comfort in the bittersweet reunion, while it only depressed him. And yet, he'd go along with them to unwind after debriefing, knowing he'd never let the others know how it was affecting him. He'd put it aside to reflect on when he was alone again. The deep-seated ache, caused by the knowledge that he would never earn his father's respect, couldn't be healed without some kind of effort from the general. And that was something Sam had given up ever expecting. He quickly shook off his thoughts and moved to leave with his teammates.

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><p>AN: I didn't really expect to go this long on this episode. But the words just kept coming. I hope you enjoy.


	7. Chapter 7 You Think You Know Someone

FF_992224_1308753778 4/16/2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Sam sighed heavily as he collapsed onto his couch. Today had been tough; as tough as Afghanistan in some respects. He couldn't think of a worse scenario back home: the boss missing; no clues except the rambling words of a homeless woman; the desperate search through the city, looking for something – anything that would give them a clue to the boss's location. Sam felt the admiration fill him again with the way Jules stepped in, pulling Ed back from the edge when they couldn't get into the sealed file.<p>

And then the tension just ratcheted up even more when they had a clue. They'd taken down the "snake man" flawlessly, knowing Greg's life could very well depend on what the man said. And Ed got his cooperation. Boy, that man could be cold and scary when he wanted to. Sam was sure he would follow through on his threats to Persheski. And he knew Persheski was sure as well. So the junkie folded. And that gave them a chance.

But they still had to get there. And even that wasn't easy. Sure, the locked gate wasn't a problem, but every door and every window into the building was blocked. And knowing it was a meth lab meant most of their options were unavailable. They didn't want to blow up the building, trying to rescue their teammate inside. Sam sighed again at the sheer luck of Tyler leaving out of the same door he and Ed were investigating.

And then the frantic search for Greg inside the building. God, it seemed to take forever before Ed got Kevin Persheski to surrender. Sam didn't want to leave with Persheski, but someone had to. And he knew Ed wouldn't. Still, it was one of the hardest things he'd had to do. But he did it, listening to the others' progress as he restrained and removed the a-hole from the scene.

When he heard the frantic calls for the gorilla bar, Sam was glad to be able to hand off the jerk to Spike for the bar. He moved as fast as he could, his heart beating almost as fast now, just remembering. God, it had been so close. He leaned his head back against the cushions of his couch, seeing it again as they parted to let him at the door. He'd barely even paused, just used his momentum to get them inside that room.

He hadn't realized then just how upset Jules was. Not until after she'd shot him that look while she was talking to the boss when everything was over. Sam knew Jules. He knew she wasn't happy with the choices the boss had made. He'd almost gotten himself killed. And that wasn't all: Jules was jealous – jealous of the relationship that Greg obviously had with the young woman. Sure Sam and the others needed the boss. Sam admitted to himself that he needed all of Team One. He wouldn't have made it back from what'd happened in Afghanistan without them. But Jules was special; she'd always been the exception on the team: the favorite, the golden girl, the surrogate daughter. And it must have seemed to her that Greg had replaced her. Finding out that Greg had had a relationship with Haley for years and not a single one of them knew – not even Ed – hurt Jules a lot.

When Jules walked away, Sam debated for like a whole thirty seconds before he followed her. Glancing at Ed, Sam realized he didn't care what the other man thought – though he didn't think his Team Leader would think any less of him for going after their teammate. She needed someone right then. And Ed and the rest of the team were focused on the boss. Remembering the look between Ed and the boss, Sam knew Greg realized he'd messed up – he'd forgotten that the team had his back. But Sam had been more concerned for Jules.

So he followed her. And let her get it all out. She wasn't the break-down-and-cry kind of girl. Jules was more of a kick-ass-and-take-names kind of girl. So when he found her and enveloped her in his arms and she just shoved at him and hit his shoulder and chest, fighting his hold while raving about how wrong Greg had handled the situation, Sam let her. He knew that was her way of breaking down. When she finally calmed down and laid her head on his shoulder for a very brief moment; that made it all worthwhile. She still trusted him enough to let him in a little. Sam knew that if he didn't have her trust, he wouldn't be making it as well as he was. Then she twisted out of his arms and went back to clearing the scene. And again, Sam let her. He knew that they were simply friends and teammates. And he wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize that. A brief smile lit his face, though, as he remembered the feel of her in his arms again. And then everything faded as he slipped off to sleep on his couch, probably to dream about holding Jules in his arms again.

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><p>AN: I don't remember seeing those looks between Sam and Jules the first time I saw this episode. But once I did, I couldn't let it go - I wondered what the PTB actually meant by it. This is my take.


	8. Chapter 8 The Good Citizen

FF_992224_1414528940 4/16/2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Sam smiled as he relaxed back into his couch. He clicked on the TV and began flipping until he got to ESPN. His body ached, but in a good way. The kind of ache you get from a good workout, or finishing a job, not the emotional ache he'd felt in the more recent past. It'd been a good day all around.<p>

He'd had the opportunity to steer Leah in the right direction when she questioned whether she should have spoken up or not. And it'd paid off later, when she reminded Wordy that the drug dealers weren't the only ones who got hurt when the bullets started flying. Sam was glad she'd listened to him. He hadn't been sure she would; she was really hard to read sometimes.

He flinched for a moment, remembering the only glitch in the afternoon, as he stretched out his legs. He'd flipped off the roof of the truck so fast; he hadn't had time to prepare for the landing. He hadn't moved that quickly since he'd needed to bring the gorilla bar to get Greg out of that meth lab. But, thank goodness it was just a scare – no one had been hurt; a scare that gave them insight into Robert Cooper's state of mind, but just a scare. And that insight gave Wordy the opportunity to talk him down.

Sam smiled again as he remembered how the day had ended. Ed had figured out what Wordy was doing at the hardware store and let the rest of the team know. Apparently Leah had a prior commitment, but the rest of them had headed over to Cooper's Hardware to give their teammate a hand. He'd had a good turnout from the neighborhood. So Sam quietly slipped in to help wherever he could. He didn't want to talk about it, or get anyone's thanks. It just felt good to be building something. And he didn't just mean the re-building they were doing inside the hardware store. He let his thoughts fade away as he got involved in the game on the TV. There'd be another day to get through tomorrow.

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><p>AN: I know it's short - but I think I said everything I wanted to.

A/N 2: I just don't get Leah. Somehow she just doesn't work with the rest of the team for me. Tell me what you think.


	9. Chapter 9 Behind the Blue Line

FF_992224_1581028155 8/13/2012

Sam felt betrayed: betrayed by both Ed and Darren Kovaks. He'd been so convinced that he had the situation under control, right up until the moment he saw Spike with the gun to his head. And then he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He'd opened up – exposed his worst secret to anyone who could hear their radio broadcast – and Darren had repaid him by taking his teammate hostage. Sam just couldn't wrap his head around it.

So he'd lashed out. He'd lashed out at Ed for taking the shot; and at his other teammates for not trusting that he had the situation under control. He denied both to them and to himself that he was the one who misread the situation. He'd been so convinced that he'd finally actually made a solid connection with a subject. He really _**did**_ understand where Kovaks was coming from. But what he didn't realize until later was that he definitely _**didn't**_ understand where Kovaks was heading.

That understanding had broken over him in the conference room when the boss had asked what the last thing was that Kovaks had said. Hearing the soft, "See you on the other side," made everything clear. Kovaks wasn't fighting like Sam was. At least he wasn't then. Sam didn't know when Darren had given up. Maybe it was when he found out who Sam was; maybe it was some other time; it may even have been back when he'd found out that his teammates were gone. But Darren Kovaks had definitely given up by the time he came up behind the team and took Spike hostage. He had to have already given up when he asked Sam to meet him at center ice. Kovaks had only set up the meeting because he wanted Sam to do it – to end his suffering; end his struggles. He hadn't felt worthy of surviving and wanted a soldier to end it. Kovaks didn't care what happened to Sam or anyone else afterwards, as long as _**his**_ struggle was over.

And that was another hard realization. Sam wasn't sure if he could have handled it, if he'd been the one who had to have taken that shot. But Ed had protected him from that when he'd taken the shot that needed to be taken. He'd protected Sam as well as Spike. Sam silently felt grateful he'd been spared that hard choice; spared that guilt again. But he knew he hadn't shown Ed any of that gratitude. If anything, he'd shown him exactly the opposite – anger and blame. He'd apologize to Ed later; but he already knew Ed would understand. He'd said as much without coming out and saying it, when he told Sam about the group that got together to talk and invited him along.

Sam carefully considered Spike's comment about Matt from the conference room. Spike hadn't blamed Sam for the choices he'd made. Actually none of them had blamed Sam but himself. So he felt like he owed it to his teammate to consider the offered observation. It was entirely possible that his lingering feelings of guilt about Matt and what'd happened in Afghanistan had colored his perception of Kovaks. Maybe he _**was**_ so desperate to have the opportunity to change an outcome that he knew couldn't be changed, that he refused to see Kovaks' state of mind. And yet, Sam knew he wasn't alone in thinking that he'd gotten through to Kovaks. Even the boss had said that he'd done a good job before the actual meeting. Sam may have let his past mistake color his actions today, but Kovaks had deceived _**everyone**_ on Team One. Still, Sam knew he owed it to all of his teammates to try to learn from this mess. He was grateful they were giving him the chance to make it up to them.

Sam marveled again at the compassion and understanding of his teammates. He'd meant what he said as he left the conference room. He had intended resigning after his shower; he couldn't think straight with Darren Kovaks' blood literally on his hands. He still felt the stain of it on his conscience. Maybe someone else would have made better choices. Maybe someone else on the team, Ed or Greg, could have reached Kovaks with words instead of bullets. They'd never know; he'd never know. But when he'd come out of the shower and seen his personal things that he had packed, all carefully put back inside his locker, he hadn't known what to say. Looking at his teammates – seeing their understanding of his emotions and their hope that he'd wouldn't leave – he couldn't bear to disappoint them. So he'd just silently nodded in acceptance of their wishes and closed the locker with his things inside, thereby acknowledging their unwavering support.

"Sam?" Spike's voice behind him startled him into a jerk of surprise. Sam met his gaze in the mirror. "You ok, buddy?"

Sam nodded, before shrugging slightly. "I will be," he acknowledged. He quickly splashed a little water on his face, dried it, and left the restroom of the Goose with his teammate.

"Want to talk about it?" Spike offered as they walked back to the table claimed by Team One.

Sam silently noted the four pairs of concerned eyes watching them return. Leah had had a prior commitment. But then, she almost always seemed to have something going on whenever they got together as a team outside the SRU. "I was just thinking," he finally answered Spike as they reached the table.

"About?" Ed asked cautiously.

"About how I should trust my teammates more," Sam sighed. He met Ed's eyes, silently apologizing for his earlier emotional reactions.

"You're just now figuring that out?" Ed asked, wryly, smirking over at him. Apology accepted.

"Hey, I'm stubborn," Sam replied, smirking right back, "Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in." He wasn't over this. It would probably take a long time for him to regain his totally lost confidence. But one thing Sam _**was**_ sure of: he'd get through it. Because he had something Darren Kovaks didn't. He had the support and understanding of a whole team of people who would be there for him – no matter how long it took.

Sam shrugged off the good-natured expressions of disgust his comment had generated and started gathering his things together to head home. He was tired. And he just wanted this horrid day to end.

Spike put a hand on his arm. "Hold up, buddy, I'm your ride," he said, smiling.

Sam put a show up of trying to argue him out of it – knowing that once Spike brought him to his apartment, he wasn't going to leave him there alone – but Spike was adamant. So Sam graciously gave in. He really didn't want to spend the night alone. He knew his ceiling didn't have any way to reverse time and give him the opportunity to save either Kovaks or Matt. So he gratefully accepted the support of his teammate, knowing he wouldn't be alone in his apartment or his life anytime soon.

Page 4


	10. Chapter 10 Unconditional Love

FF_992224_256344669 10/22/2012

Disclaimer - I don't own Flashpoint

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><p>Sam flinched in sympathy as he heard Ed going off on the partner of the police officer who'd gotten shot. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd been on the other end of Ed's wrath, when Ed thought he'd done something stupid; something that'd gotten someone killed. He knew better than to get in the middle of that scene, but when they'd both moved off, he took a brief moment to ask the boss what was going on. Hearing that the officer was Ed's brother, he flinched again, internally. He knew that must be a tough position to be in – Ed Lane's brother. Then his professionalism kicked in and he focused on the hostage situation again.<p>

Sam flinched again when he heard the bullets hitting the shield behind him as he rushed away with the baby in the carrier. Passing the baby on to Ed's brother, Sam didn't wait to introduce himself, just got back to his team as quickly as possible.

He just silently shook his head in astonishment as the missing hostage became a subject; a possible psychopathic subject at that. Out of all the unbelievable things that had happened to Sam, this was one incredible hot call. But he shook off his amazement and held back his distaste of the sewers they had to travel. And he stood like a rock while Ed tried to negotiate the kid at the rink and got nowhere.

Then the boss got there. Sam inwardly marveled at the way the kid's face changed when the boss asked him if he thought he was listening. That was the key. That was the whole key to the kid – he just needed someone to hear him. Sam silently thought all about the call on the way back to the station. He was still thinking about it as he made his way out of the locker room after changing. They were going to debrief tomorrow, since Ed wasn't supposed to be there anyway. Sam rolled his eyes as he noticed the boss and Jules still in the conference room, looking over the evidence she'd found in Paul's room. The two of them were alike that way: sometimes they just couldn't wait to rehash the situation.

He also caught sight of Ed's brother as he moved away from the desk after a short, curt discussion with Ed. The detective smiled bitterly and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ed's brother."

Sam didn't know why he did it, but his reply gave away his knowledge of some of what the man was feeling. "Nice to meet you, I'm the general's son."

The detective smiled a real smile this time and held out his hand, "Roy Lane, Guns and Gangs."

Sam smiled back, shaking his hand and replying, "Sam Braddock, SRU." He didn't acknowledge his teammates, but he could tell from Roy's face that they were there. And he knew that their introductions would be noted and remarked upon later.

Then Wordy moved in and put a hand on Roy's shoulder. "Hey, Roy," he said quietly. Sam nodded at the detective before moving back and allowing the rest of Team One to greet the other man. It wasn't long before the Guns and Gangs detective made his goodbyes, making sure to acknowledge Sam with a silent nod, and then leaving the station.

Sam wasn't quick enough to give his teammates the slip as they insisted on a drink at the Goose. He was quiet and introspective on the trip. He became even quieter when Ed joined them after an hour. Finally, Wordy spoke up. "What's up with you, Sam? You've been really quiet. Is something bothering you?"

"Nothing's wrong," Sam said slowly. "I was just thinking about how most people don't know how to listen." The other conversations around the table quieted as he spoke. "I mean, it wasn't just Paul's mom who wasn't listening today." Sam didn't look at Ed, but he knew he was thinking about his brother and what Roy was going to have to face with the death of his partner. "A _**lot**_ of people didn't take the time to listen to what was being said today," he reiterated, not wanting to pick out Roy and his partner, but also meaning Ed and Jules as well.

He winced a little internally at the silence that his emphatic statement had created and decided to call it a night. No one made a move to stop him as he gathered his things and silently left the bar, wondering if he'd over-stepped his bounds. He knew he'd rethink what he'd said a million times tonight as he stared at his ceiling, trying to decide if he'd done the right thing. But he also knew what he'd said to Leah on that prior call was true – he'd never been penalized on Team One for speaking his mind – not as it pertained to a call. So he forcefully put it out of his mind and headed home to rest until tomorrow.

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><p>AN: Let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter 11 Severed Ties

FF_992224_923697325 1/29/2013

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint. If I did, it wouldn't have ended. I'm going to miss it.

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><p>The impact as Sam crashed into Clarence Fogle felt really satisfying. He cuffed the subject, then watched Ed push Fogle against the wall, demanding to know what the pedophile had done with Becky. Sam was frustrated that they couldn't find Becky, but was glad they were able to get the pedophile off the street. He was also relieved that Fogle hadn't gotten his hands on the little girl.<p>

The Science Center was also frustrating. It seemed like they were one step behind the subject at every turn. They just could not catch a break. And then the guard didn't listen to his instructions. He confronted the subject and was attacked. That put the subject in panic mode, and she was able to escape from the building.

Sam knew immediately that something was up when Jules slipped into the command truck. As soon as he could, he asked what was wrong. He couldn't stop his reflexive comment about Jules keeping her mouth shut, but immediately regretted it when he heard her pained, "Thanks." So he told her the truth: that he appreciated it when she spoke her mind. They shared a look that Spike broke when he passed on the Parole Officer's number. Sam winced internally, wondering if their former relationship was showing again.

Listening to the boss talk to Riley on the 911 call, Sam felt helpless. They could do nothing for her but listen. So he was glad to have something to do when Ed told him to get the rolling camera. He was glad the situation was resolved without any more bloodshed. It was heartwarming watching the girls reunite with their parents.

Later, at the barn, he checked to make sure that Jules and the boss were ok. He was glad to hear they were. Jules looked so nice, that he wondered if she had a date. He hated the sick feeling that filled his stomach at the thought. But it gnawed at him until he asked if she had plans. He couldn't suppress the flood of relief that washed through him when she said that she didn't. He was taken off-guard when she asked about his plans. He didn't think she'd be interested. He winced internally at his lame "beer and a game" line. And winced again when he realized it almost sounded like an invitation.

He hated how stilted their conversation got when she thanked him for supporting her speaking her mind. And yet, he couldn't help feeling hypocritical when he said that everyone should. Because he wasn't. If he spoke his mind, he'd be begging Jules to take him back. And he couldn't do that. She'd made it perfectly clear that she didn't want their relationship to interfere with her career. And Sam had to respect that. But he couldn't help feeling lost as he watched her walk away from him again. It felt like the coffee shop all over again. He finally tore his eyes from where she'd vanished and made his own way out. Resolving to do what he'd said; Sam silently followed Jules from the building.

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><p>AN: Please let me know what you think...


	12. Chapter 12 Follow the Leader

FF_992224_904196152 1/29/2013

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint - If I did, new episodes would be out every week!

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><p>Sam sighed silently. What a roller coaster of a day: First the fear when they'd heard that the boss had been hit. It seemed like forever before they heard his voice saying he was ok. His adrenaline was up and time seemed to slow as they cleared the old glass factory. And then the sinking feeling that moved from his stomach to his toes when he heard and saw Jules with the medic. It was obvious that they'd known each other before. And Sam knew that his role as just Jules' friend had now gotten a lot more complicated.<p>

All thoughts of Jules and her medic friend were firmly put out of his mind as they searched the Immigration Center for Trent and the others. Finding Trent, seeing his body language, noting the tone of his voice, Sam knew this wasn't going to be easy. And for a moment after he'd taken the lead on the negotiation, his thoughts flashed back to Darren Kovaks and how spectacularly bad that incident had turned out. Then he firmly forced those thoughts from his mind as well, and focused on Trent and only Trent. Now time seemed to speed forward as he desperately tried to get through to the troubled teen.

Sam ignored the voices of the boss and his teammates in his ears as they demanded that he move back from the blast radius. He could see that his words were making a difference and he refused to give up on the young soldier before him. Moving closer, he let the young man see his sincerity as he spoke of Victor's betrayal and Danny's faith. He continued speaking, fighting to get his point across, even when he was forced to give up his position and begin a slow retreat. His final words were a plea aimed at Trent's sense of family. His heart sank and he tasted bitter failure in the bile in the back of his throat when he whirled and sprinted for cover, abandoning Trent to his decision.

Sam flinched, hovering protectively over Jules, as the explosion ripped through the atrium. He turned around slowly, frowning at the unmoving body lying covered with dirt and debris. His heart sank even further when he wondered if he'd gotten his message across, but simply a few seconds too late. Time slowed to a crawl as he waited for some sign, some signal from Spike that the young man was gone. And then Trent began moving, struggling to get up and it seemed as if Sam could breathe again.

He flinched when Jules punched his arm, frowning at her angry glare. His frown eased as he recognized her concern, and he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. Gently separating Trent from his brother, Sam escorted him out to the ambulance. He finally took a breath of relief as he realized that he'd done it. He'd saved the young man from himself and a callous, militant leader. He nodded slightly, acknowledging his teammates who were waiting en masse for him near their vehicles. He gratefully accepted Ed's approving slap on the back and headed back to the barn with his team.

Sam knew the look that crossed the boss's face when Ed asked if he was coming to the Goose. He hung his head, wondering why his best never seemed to be enough. He could never measure up to his father's standards, knowing that he'd never be anything but a disappointment to his father as long as he was not in the military. But today, he'd hoped that he'd made the boss proud. He struggled to put his mask back and braced himself to gracefully accept Greg's excuses. He froze for a second when Greg changed his mind and agreed to come. His laughter came out tinged with relief when Ed reminded Greg that he owed them the first round because he'd gotten shot.

And then his stomach plummeted again when he heard the soft "Julianna" from the medic in the doorway. He struggled to control his emotions, fighting to keep them from showing on his face, while Jules stumbled her way through introductions. He ducked his head again, knowing that he had no claim on Jules' time and that she was free to "catch up" with the other man whenever she wanted. He held his breath when Greg invited Steve along, hoping against hope that the other would decline. When Steve did, it wasn't any better, because the medic just proposed to postpone their reunion to "the next time." Sam didn't want to think about them having a next time. He didn't want to think of them having any time at all. But it wasn't his choice. It was Jules'. He kept his face blank, following his teammates, knowing Jules was turning behind him to take one last look at her old friend. He knew that he was going to have to accept Jules' decision on her relationship with Steve gracefully. Still, he put it out of his mind the best he could – tonight was about celebrating his win. He'd play the mature ex-boyfriend tomorrow.

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><p>AN: I can't help but think that Sam is caught in a flood of emotion both good and bad at different times of the day. And when Greg was about to turn down Ed's offer at the Goose - he just seemed to shrink into himself. This is my take on it.


	13. Chapter 13 Whatever It Takes

FF_992224_ 12/26/2014

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

A/N: Yes, I'm back. I can't say how often I'll post, but I'm determined to finish all of these episode reflections. Enjoy...

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><p>"Whatever it takes." There was a time that Sam thought he would do whatever it took to stay with Jules. Now he's realizing that he'll do whatever it takes to keep her happy. He suppressed the pain at the hint of excitement in her voice as she discussed her 'maybe' date. He knew the thought of Jules with someone else had distracted him during the night shooting competition. But then again, he wasn't sleeping well either. He hadn't since they'd broken up. And it'd become even worse after seeing Jules around her old friend Steve. But he didn't have any excuses to offer when the bosses had looked at him after revealing his poor scores. He certainly wasn't about to tell them the truth: that he was more distracted by Jules now that they'd broken up, than he'd ever been when they were together.<p>

He was glad that his suggestion to have Carlton help them talk Corey down, had worked. He hadn't been sure it would. But it seemed logical to him. After all, it was his teammates in JTF2, and more recently, his teammates in the SRU who'd helped him through the worst times in his life. If he was being really honest, they'd kept him from doing anything as misguided as either Carlton or Corey.

He'd been surprised at Jules' admiration of his idea. He wasn't used to receiving praise for much of anything, really. So the fact that she'd felt it was important enough to mention felt really good. But then the realities of life stepped in when Steve appeared, and Sam knew what he had to do. He greeted Steve politely, and then stepped away like a good teammate. He wouldn't do anything to hurt Jules; anything to mess up her opportunity for a relationship with someone else. He really did want her to be happy. He just wished there was some way for him to find happiness, too. Instead, he joined his co-workers, riding silently back to the barn. Once there, he joined in enough so he didn't get the concerned looks from the bosses, but slipped away as soon as possible. He knew he wouldn't be good company, so he was better off in his apartment, staring at the ceiling.

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><p>AN: Let me know what you think...


	14. Chapter 14 The Other Lane

FF_992224_ 1/4/2015

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

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><p>Sam let out a sigh of relief when Ed called out that Roy was wearing a vest. He'd thought he'd been too late when he saw Roy fall at the same time that he fired. The whole incident was surreal. First the scene in Laughlin: the gunfire in such an upscale neighborhood. And then to see Ed's brother's face in the camera shot from behind the barricaded door. Listening to Ed theorize that his brother was a bad cop, was just disturbing.<p>

Sam was glad he questioned some things and that Greg took the time to emphasize them. Like the fact that Roy had asked if they 'followed' at least twice. He _**wanted**_ them to follow him. And they had… followed him to the shipyards where they found them among the shipment of weapons. Roy had helped them cut off the pipeline for a third of the illegal weapons that came into the city.

SIU had been tough, as usual. But Sam held firm to the knowledge that he'd taken the shot to protect the life of a fellow officer. And eventually SIU had conceded the point.

Returning to headquarters, Sam thought back to the last time he'd seen Roy at the station: after his partner had been killed. He remembered thinking then that Roy had a lot to live up to as Ed Lane's brother. Well, tonight he'd lived up to those expectations and done both his brother and partner proud.

The station was quiet when he got in. Team One's shift was over, and Team Three was out on a call. Sam was surprised to find Ed in the locker room, apparently waiting for him. He didn't say much, waiting until Sam had changed and was ready to head out before simply laying a hand on his shoulder and murmuring a quiet, "Thanks."

Sam just nodded in reply and left the station. He'd probably still replay the shot and the events leading up to it over several times. But Sam knew that the solid knowledge that his shot had saved an officer's (and his boss's brother's) life, would help mitigate the emotional toll that a lethal shot always took. Taking comfort in that, Sam settled on to his sofa to get as much rest as he could before his next shift.

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><p>AN: Another chapter done! Let me know what you think...


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